Madame, I am addressing this letter to you without even knowing you, without knowing you well. Outside, behind my bedroom window in the woods where I… - Xavier Dolan

I began as an actor and I will end as one. I’m not going to direct movies my whole life. It’s just too much. I want to write myself parts as generous as Anne Dorval's, or the kid in Mommy or Antoine in It's Only the End of the World! I’ve benched myself for so long. But I can’t seem to give myself these roles. People would call me ‘narcissistic’ again. That's their favourite word for me. But I want to do that in the future. Acting is a passion for me, in all its possible forms. It’s a passion, really a passion!

Xavier Dolan: I think of him all the time, actually... I think... It's hard to conceive it.. It takes a long time to accept this situation... to accept his departure... It's inconceivable... I often dream of him... I think of his family... his son... I think of his talent, his beauty... And I will talk about him tonight.
Host: That's why you're here, actually. Beyond your César nomination...
Xavier Dolan: Yes... honestly. This nomination is a recognition that I really appreciate, obviously, but it's not the first reason I'm here. I really wanted to say some things about Gaspard... Not because I have the right to do it, but because I feel the need to do it. I knew him professionally and intimately, as well. [Holding back tears] I hope tonight I'll be able to control myself better than now. But... I really feel the need to say personally how much I loved him and why.

Nathalie Lévy: You directed Gaspard Ulliel in It's Only the End of the World, and you wrote an intense message after the news of his death...
Xavier Dolan: It was really his light... the allure he had... He was someone who... I still can't talk about him... And I still can't accept... I dream of him at night... very often. Sometimes those dreams look cruel... or... hyper realistic. Some look so real... and when I wake up it's so painful.
Nathalie Lévy: What was so singular about Gaspard?
Xavier Dolan: I saw lots of interviews with Gaspard when he died. And he was someone who loved words... and loved to think. Sometimes he looked up at the sky, before speaking. And yet all of his words were relevant, measured, cultivated... He was a literate man, and curious. He spoke well. And he spoke when he had to speak.