Xavier Dolan Quotes

Madame, I am addressing this letter to you without even knowing you, without knowing you well. Outside, behind my bedroom window in the woods where I have taken refuge, the snow twirls in the air. It is transfigured by the light of the sun and the wind persists in beating it into loose snow. Big conifers rise in front of me, covered with a very heavy white deposit. Winter is calm, all of a sudden, after a brutal start.

I come from a popular environment. I don’t have a deep knowledge of auteur cinema. My wish as a director has always been to make films that I would like to see in theaters.

I chose to address this letter to you, Madame, because I did not know other than by telling you how much I admired and loved him. I didn't know how to pay him a real tribute. I think he would have liked to know that I wrote this letter while listening to a piece by Olafur Arnalds entitled "Tree"... "L'arbre". He would have listened to it. Even better. We would have listened to it together, without excluding all those who loved him. His family, it seemed natural to me to write to you this evening. To you, whom I immediately thought of that morning. Because a mother's love is stronger than anything. I believe it. Stronger than life. Stronger than art itself. And certainly stronger than death.

I don't have mom issues or dad issues. I think I have found peace about many things in my past. I have forgiven and asked to be forgiven.

I began as an actor and I will end as one. I’m not going to direct movies my whole life. It’s just too much. I want to write myself parts as generous as Anne Dorval's, or the kid in Mommy or Antoine in It's Only the End of the World! I’ve benched myself for so long. But I can’t seem to give myself these roles. People would call me ‘narcissistic’ again. That's their favourite word for me. But I want to do that in the future. Acting is a passion for me, in all its possible forms. It’s a passion, really a passion!

But I didn’t come here to speak about the career of Gaspard Ulliel — I could recount the list of brilliant exploits and feats, of starry passages among the stars of the Riviera, of the industry. But what effect could these things have on the gaping wound of his departure?

Tonight I wanted to pay a tribute to my friend, to our friend, Gaspard. I have chosen to do so in the form of a letter, which is as follows:

I've been a fan from the first hour. Kate Winslet has inspired me to become an actor, a director, a costume designer ... she's helped me to grow as an artist and as a human being in a way that she will never know. When I saw her in Titanic, I was 8 years old. I saw the film and I was like, "Oooh, look at that." Big ideas, ambition, greater than life. It showed me that there were no limits to the things you could dream. I couldn't believe the production design. Do you know the accuracy and the rigor of the research James Cameron did for it? Down to the doorknobs. The accuracy of every detail is nothing short of autistic, and it's very impressive. But from the age of 8 to 16, Kate Winslet was the spokesperson of my teenage-hood without ever knowing it. She's been the face of my wildest artistic dreams. The way she walked, the way she talked ... she's defined the person that I am in so many aspects. And I know that it's extremely weird to be talking about this. Some artists do that to you. For me, it was her.

I'm very much a hypochondriac, worried about dying, and not having enough time to work with the people I want to work with and being fulfilled as an actor.

Xavier Dolan: I think of him all the time, actually... I think... It's hard to conceive it.. It takes a long time to accept this situation... to accept his departure... It's inconceivable... I often dream of him... I think of his family... his son... I think of his talent, his beauty... And I will talk about him tonight.
Host: That's why you're here, actually. Beyond your César nomination...
Xavier Dolan: Yes... honestly. This nomination is a recognition that I really appreciate, obviously, but it's not the first reason I'm here. I really wanted to say some things about Gaspard... Not because I have the right to do it, but because I feel the need to do it. I knew him professionally and intimately, as well. [Holding back tears] I hope tonight I'll be able to control myself better than now. But... I really feel the need to say personally how much I loved him and why.

I knew that in coming here to seek out isolation, I was going to start thinking and writing about Gaspard, I had already written for Gaspard before, I had written to Gaspard, but I had not written about Gaspard. And other than for an article, an interview or a prize, believe me that I had no intention to do so.

It is impossible, insane, and so painful to even think of writing these words. Your discreet laughter, your watchful eye. Your scar. Your talent. Your listening. Your whispers, your kindness. All the features of your person were in fact born of a sparkling sweetness. It is your whole being that has transformed my life, a being that I loved deeply, and that I will always love. I can’t say anything else, I’m exhausted, stunned by your departure.

I couldn't help but think he would have hated this kind of elegy. He would have perceived a lack of elegance in this glorification. And he was very elegant. Because his career speaks for itself. Through the articles that praise him and all the roles that survive him. His talent, we still have it. And no one can take that away from us. It's the privilege of being famous and an actor of his light to be able to count on art to fade us into eternity while other important bereavements for some remain unknown to all or become so quickly evanescent. It's a whole world that cried for Gaspard... it's a whole world that still mourns him.

Yes, I came from nowhere. All my life, I heard 'Stop daydreaming,' Get over yourself,' 'You'll never get there,' 'Aim lower, 'You'll hurt yourself,' from teachers, family, and friends.

Nathalie Lévy: You directed Gaspard Ulliel in It's Only the End of the World, and you wrote an intense message after the news of his death...
Xavier Dolan: It was really his light... the allure he had... He was someone who... I still can't talk about him... And I still can't accept... I dream of him at night... very often. Sometimes those dreams look cruel... or... hyper realistic. Some look so real... and when I wake up it's so painful.
Nathalie Lévy: What was so singular about Gaspard?
Xavier Dolan: I saw lots of interviews with Gaspard when he died. And he was someone who loved words... and loved to think. Sometimes he looked up at the sky, before speaking. And yet all of his words were relevant, measured, cultivated... He was a literate man, and curious. He spoke well. And he spoke when he had to speak.