I knew and still know that they are good people. They’d never willingly do something like that, but I’d always wonder, How could you not have known t… - Najwa Zebian

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I knew and still know that they are good people. They’d never willingly do something like that, but I’d always wonder, How could you not have known that leaving me behind for so long, and that not connecting with me emotionally, was wrong?

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About Najwa Zebian

Najwa Zebian (born April 26, 1990) is a Lebanese-Canadian activist, author, poet, and speaker. Zebian was born in Bekaa, Lebanon and moved to Ontario, Canada at sixteen during the 2006 Lebanon War. She attended the University of Western Ontario, earning a Bachelor of Science in Biology in 2010 and a Master of Education in Curriculum Studies in 2013. She continued her studies and earned a Doctor of Education in Educational Leadership in 2022. She resides in London, Ontario.

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Additional quotes by Najwa Zebian

To all the people I pushed away while I was healing: Forgive me for not being able to welcome you when I really wanted to. I was scared. I was scared you’d judge me. I was scared you wouldn’t understand. I was scared you’d ask me how I couldn’t have known better. I was scared you’d push me away and remind me of all the reasons I don’t deserve to be loved. I was scared. Everyone I welcomed before you either lied or left or took more than what I had to give. Everyone I welcomed before you only stayed as long as I was who they wanted me to be instead of who I actually am. I’m sorry I made you feel I couldn’t trust you when the truth was I couldn’t even trust myself.

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As I attempt to describe this pain, words crumble before they can be written on paper. It felt like someone had walked me all the way up to the top of a mountain and pushed me off with all their force. At the same time, I felt numb. Perhaps it was denial. Shock. Disbelief. Or maybe the pain was so deep I couldn’t feel its intensity anymore. I felt a tingling sensation all over my body. Like I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t cry. I wanted to yell, but I couldn’t yell. I guess what I really wanted was to change this ending. But I couldn’t. This was the end of the fight. I felt so helpless.

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