lebanese-Canadian author
Najwa Zebian (born April 26, 1990) is a Lebanese-Canadian activist, author, poet, and speaker.
Zebian was born in Bekaa, Lebanon and moved to Ontario, Canada at sixteen during the 2006 Lebanon War. She attended the University of Western Ontario, earning a Bachelor of Science in Biology in 2010 and a Master of Education in Curriculum Studies in 2013. She continued her studies and earned a Doctor of Education in Educational Leadership in 2022. She resides in London, Ontario.
From: Wikipedia (CC BY-SA 4.0)
All my heart could say then was Why can’t I have that? That wasn’t the gifts. It wasn’t the clothes or the candy. That was the love. The warmth. The connection. The feeling of relevance, worth, and importance. . . . Like I actually belonged somewhere. At such a young age, I wasn’t able to label my feelings with these words. The only word I could put to what I was missing, to what I wanted, was that.
You are not confused. You are experiencing a confusing situation. Separate the confusing situation from who you are. If you say “I am confused,” you are implying the confusing situation is part of you. It is not. It is part of what you are experiencing. The answer to the confusion does not lie in the confusion itself. Rather it lies in the ability to step outside of it and see that you are experiencing it instead of it being you. The answer lies in you.
See yourself through the eyes of those who love you. They see all of the goodness in you when you fail to see it. They see the best in you when you see the worst. They are always ready to lift you up even before you fall down. They see every reason why you deserve happiness, love, and joy when you may feel that you're the furthest thing from deserving all of that goodness. Learn to care about those who care about you before you try to make those who don't even notice you turn your way. If you can't see happiness in what you already have, you're fooling yourself if you think that getting what you want will make you happy. If you can't see happiness in the simplest of things, you won't be able to see happiness in what's bigger. If you can't see the beauty of the stars, you may never appreciate the beauty of the moon.
(For books that take an in-depth look at trauma, read Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine and Ann Frederick, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, and Oprah Winfrey, and The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Gabor Maté, MD.)
Instead of saying “How could he have lied to me?” you say, “I feel hurt when someone lies to me, because it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being told the truth.” Instead of saying “He’s not even explaining why!” you say, “I feel sad when someone doesn’t try to resolve an issue, because it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being fought for.” The “I” statement has three elements: I felt/feel ________ (insert emotion) when ________ (recount the event that happened) because ________ (insert what it made you think of)