There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. - Doug Stanhope

[on Keynesian economic theory as applied to private sector independent contracting] "Ask Milton Friedman's dead Jew corpse what he thinks about the current economic crisis, and he will tell you... You better strengthen up your shit-pussy, baby!

Why would you die for someone's sins? Your sins are the only thing interesting about you, you dreary, bleak motherfuckers.

As an openly gay comedian, I feel a responsibility to talk about a lot of issues that-- What? Are you gonna test me? You don't know if I'm lying. I can be as gay as I want to be up here, fuck you. What, are you going to strap me to a chair and blow loads in my face to see if I'm fibbing when I say I love it?