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…it happened because I learned that I could speak through other people. I was a very shy child. I was an observer. I would sit and observe and listen and watch people's actions in order to understand what they were. I wanted to know what prompted them to say and do the things that they did. I sucked my fingers for 12 years. I never spoke ... but I was a great observer.
I don't often use the word pride. Even if sometimes the feeling is there, I can't quite admit it to myself, I try to keep humility. But looking back, I think I'm pretty proud to be where I am today. Especially when I think back to the shy and withdrawn child that I could have been. I suffered, like surely many children, from a lack of confidence. This is also why my journey began by chance, and why it was arranged in a somewhat winding way.
In boarding school, in the second grade I made the decision that I was going to be an artist because I wouldn't have to talk. I could express myself with colors, and it was safe...So I basically became a listener, an observer. My mother thought that something was wrong with me. I became an extreme introvert who wouldn't talk. You wouldn't believe that about me today because I'm very different, but back then I had a lot of fears about language. It wasn't until that art class that I opened up to words. I started experimenting and incorporating words into some of my drawings.
I think I always had a performer somewhere inside of me, even though, believe it or not, I was quite shy in high school and before that I had a very shy side that I didn’t really shed until my first year at Columbia University. Like much of my freshman class, I thought at the time that I was going to go work on Wall Street. That’s what I wanted to do. I figured I’d wear a power suit, carry a briefcase and trade and yell and buy low and sell high. I always say, though, that no matter what career I chose, I think I would have been happy because I’m a happy person and I’d want to choose something that I enjoy doing. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I’m in the position that I’m in now because I do love what I do, but it was something that wasn’t really a part of my life until I moved to New York and was at school.
For me, when I was a kid, I came from a broken family. I don't know how to express my feelings. I don't want to express my feelings in front of others, so I became very isolated. I don't talk too much, and I'm very good at hiding my emotions. And somehow when I get into the training class, when I learn how to act, then I find a way to express my feelings in front of others without being shy. Because you can hide behind someone, and express you feelings. You can do whatever you want, you can cry, but you won't feel shy. And that's the reason why I enjoy acting very much. That's the reason why I've been acting for twenty-something years. I don't do it for fame or for money. That's not important to me. For myself it's a kind of relief that you have to suppress for 13 years in your childhood.
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