Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey. - Patrice O'Neal

I said to my girl, "The reason you have a key (to my house) is to keep me from having other women in my house. I give you an open invitation." See, she wants me to go, "Because I love you and I trust you, and I want you to trust me." It's because the fear of my girl walking in will keep me from having a young broad sitting on top of my counter. But she wants that to be because I love her so much, but it's just to protect me from my own manness.

A beautiful 35-year old ain't as good-looking as an ugly 19-year old.

(on the entertainment business) This business is the beast and it eats everybody and shits them out. But here's what's funny about the beast: it's a neverending line of people who want to get in the mouth and get chewed up and shit out. It's because, when you get in the belly, you get $2 million a week. And when you get shit out, you're a pile back there. And you have the option to wait to get back in line, and wait to go get back in the beast, and get eaten and shit out! And we line up! ... And I didn't even get to the beast yet. 20 years! See, when the beast pick you up, to put you in its mouth, you shinin'. People see you. Sometimes, see what "15 minutes of fame" is? The beast throws somebody down, they-- that was reality (show) people. This one was an athlete that had one good year. And you throw him down. Now, you see, "Ooh, that looks like a delicious young thing there." Eat, chew... That's why I love Charlie Sheen so much-- he was in the belly. When you making $2 million a week doing anything, you're in the absolute belly, and for that fucker to betray his position in the belly, to actually give the beast indigestion, was spectacular. He was a martyr. And Mel Gibson, too! He could have been the beast, he was so big. And they turned on him, you know what I'm saying? So, anybody that gets that deep and turns on the beast, man, you've got to root for him, no matter what, because they're martyrs, because no one's going to stand up for them. And then, Hollywood, they tell you who to hate. Like when they rose up against him, to not be on The Hangover 2. The movie was about trannies, fucking people in the ass, drugs, death, and Mike Tyson, who got a rape conviction. And you motherfuckers decide to gang up on Mel Gibson? He can't play a tattoo artist in The Hangover 2?! Come on, man. It's not hypocrisy, because that's a human thing. It's something else... it's somebody owe somebody the favor.