Don't wait to be sure. Move, move, move. - Miranda July

I really did not feel okay about any of this, and there was really nothing I could do about any of it.

If I could quietly kill her without anyone knowing, I would.

Now began the part of her life where she was just very beautiful, except for nothing. Only winners will know what this feels like. Have you ever wanted something very badly and then gotten it? Then you know that winning is many things, but it is never the thing you thought it would be.