Most Mighty Empress, of India, and Englands beloved Queen, Most Handsome to be Seen. I wish you every Success. And that heaven may you bless. For you… - William McGonagall

Then King Edward ordered his horsemen to charge,
Thirty thousand in number, it was very large;
They thought to o'erwhelm them ere they could rise from their knees,
But they met a different destiny, which did them displease;
For the horsemen fell into the spik'd pits in the way,
And, with broken ranks and confusion, they all fled away,
But few of them escap'd death from the spik'd pits,
For the Scots with their swords hack'd them to bits.

All hail to the Rev. George Gilfillan, of Dundee,
He is the greatest preacher I did ever hear or see.
He preaches in a plain, straightforward way,
The people flock to hear him night and day,
And hundreds from his church doors are often turned away,
Because he is the greatest preacher of the present day.

Well, I must say that the first man who threw peas at me was a publican ..