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My son, he's eighteen years old, but he still doesn't cuss at home. Okay? Now, whatever he does in public, I have no control over. But at home, he kn… - Gabriel Iglesias
" "My son, he's eighteen years old, but he still doesn't cuss at home. Okay? Now, whatever he does in public, I have no control over. But at home, he knows he cannot cuss. One time. One time in, like, thirteen years, I caught my son cussing at home, and I couldn't even get mad: He'd fallen down the stairs. [laughter] I don't mean to laugh but think about it. What am I going to do to him that's worse than what he just did to himself? I heard it, too. "AH!" [imitates someone falling down stairs] "Son of a bitch!" I ran over, I didn't even check his safety. I was like, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" [Imitates Frankie looking worried at Gabriel] "Yeah, you earned that one." I said, "If you want to say the F word, next time let me push you."
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About Gabriel Iglesias
Gabriel Jesús Iglesias (born July 15, 1976) is an American actor and comedian.
Also Known As
Native Name:
Gabriel Jesus Iglesias
Alternative Names:
Fluffy
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Gabriel Jesús Iglesias
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Additional quotes by Gabriel Iglesias
My favorite thing [about Latino television] are the commercials. Because they're always about sex. You don't know what the product is until, like, the last two seconds. It's always some model comes walking out, all sexy, like, [Mimics sexy music] [Feminine voice] "Hola." [Resumes music] [Feminine voice] "Ay que rico!"...And on the 28th second, like, [Mimics female giving a pleasured shout]..."Pepsi." [Audience laughs] And you're sitting there, going, "I gotta go get a Pepsi!"
You know when you're [driving] drunk, you're like [Imitates car driving and going over the bumps on the edge of the road], behind you, you hear [Imitates big rig horn] [slurring] "Shut up, stupid!" You know, if you hear the magical sound [Imitates police siren], one of two things will pop in your head. Either one, [slurring] "I'm okay, I'm fine...I can beat this." Or two, [police siren] "I'm gonna go to jail. Ima gonna jail. Hey, gonna hafta let you go babe, Ima gonna jail. Tell the kids I love 'em, bye."
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Now, if you know for a fact that you are going to go to jail, okay? You're already like, "I'm gone," have a little fun. I don't mean taking off in a high-speed pursuit. No, no, no, don't do that, 'cause you're not going to get very far. I mean, if you're drunk, and you know you're going to go to jail, you know, and you have tinted windows, have a little extra fun. Take off your seatbelt, jump over to the passenger side, throw your seatbelt back on, and just wait for the cop. [Acts like he's just sitting and waiting, giggle] You have no idea how far you're going to throw his ass off, you guys. He's going to come over to the driver's side with a flashlight, and... [Acts like a police officer, using his microphone like a flashlight. Acts like he's confused, looking, then bending over, shining his "flashlight" inside.] You're sitting there...[Looks over, smiling; slurring] "He was here a second ago. [audience laughs] I don't know where he went. 'Xcuse me, what? Me drive? Oh, hell no, I'm fucked up!"
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