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"egyszerűen csak arról van szó, magyarázta később a hét gyereknek, hogy egy napon ,"eltört nála a mécses", mert most ha visszagondol, az ő története valójában nem is azzal a bizonyos folyóparttal indult, hanem jóval korábban, jóval a folyóparti események előtt, amikor egyszer elfogta egy addig ismeretlen, egy addig teljességgel ismeretlen mélységű és az ő egész lényét alapjaiban megrázó elkeseredés, hirtelen, egyik napról a másikra egyszer csak azon vette észre magát, hogy nagyon, hogy halálosan el van keseredve, amiként akkoriban fogalmazott, "a világ állapota" miatt, és ez nem valami gyorsan érkező és gyorsan múló hangulat következtében állt nála elő, hanem hát, ez egy olyan iszonyú éles bevillanás volt, mondta, ami örökre beég, tudniillik bevillant neki, hogy a világban, ha volt is, már nincsen semmiféle nemes, nem akarja eltúlozni, de tényleg, komolyan, hogy őkörülötte talán nem is volt, mindenesetre soha többé nem is lesz se szép, se jó"
László Krasznahorkai (; born 5 January 1954) is a Hungarian novelist and screenwriter known for difficult and demanding novels, often labeled postmodern, with dystopian and melancholic themes. Several of his works, including his novels Satantango (, 1985) and The Melancholy of Resistance (, 1989), have been turned into feature films by Hungarian film director Béla Tarr.
Biography information from Wikipedia
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...the freedom produced by love was the highest condition available in the given order of things, and given that, how strange it was that such love seemed to be characteristic of lonely people who were condemned to live in perpetual isolation, that love was one of the aspects of loneliness most difficult to resolve, and therefore all those millions on millions of individual loves and individual rebellions could never add up to a single love or rebellion, and that because all those millions upon millions of individual experiences testified to the unbearable fact of the world's ideological opposition to this love and rebellion, the world could never transcend its own first great act of rebellion..
The entire end-of-October night was beating with a single pulse, its own strange rhythm sounding through trees and rain and mud in a manner beyond words or vision: a vision present in the low light, in the slow passage of darkness, in the blurred shadows, in the working of tired muscles; in the silence, in its human subjects, in the undulating surface of the metaled road; in the hair moving to a different beat than do the dissolving fibers of the body; growth and decay on their divergent paths; all these thousands of echoing rhythms, this confusing clatter of night noises, all parts of an apparently common stream, that is the attempt to forget despair; though behind things other things appear as if by mischief, and once beyond the power of the eye they no longer hang together. So with the door left open as if forever, with the lock that will never open.
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He gained height, grew thin, the hair on his temples had begun to grey, but, now as then, he had none of that useful sense of proportion, nor could he ever develop anything of the sort, which might have helped him distinguish between the continuous flux of the universe of which he constituted a part (though a necessarily fleeting part) and the passage of time, the perception of which might have led to an intuitive and wise acceptance of fate. Despite vain efforts to understand and experience what precisely his 'dear friends' wanted from each other, he confronted the slow tide of human affairs with a sad incomprehension, dispassionately and without any sense of personal involvement, for the greater part of his consciousness, the part entirely given over to wonder, had left no room for more mundane matters, and (to his mother's inordinate shame and the extreme amusement of the locals) had ever since then trapped him in a bubble of time, in one eternal, impenetrable and transparent moment. He walked, he trudged, he flitted - as his great friend once said, not entirely without point - 'blindly and tirelessly... with the incurable beauty of his personal cosmos' in his soul [...]