"This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma." (on the Honda Element) - Maddox

If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it.

"I subscribe to an email service from CNN called "CNN Breaking News." Basically every time shit hits the fan, you're supposed to receive an email. Most of the "breaking news" I've received has been as earth shattering as an actor arrested for drunk driving. Wow, now excuse me while I change my freshly soiled boxers."

"Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples."