Oh, I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t.” “I’d love to, but I’m afraid it’s impossible.” “Unfortunately, I can’t, but I hope you can find someone.” It - Judith Martin

A gold digger may no longer be someone who strings gentlemen along while she works busily to get hold of their fortunes. She is more likely to be someone who strings gentlemen along because she is too busy for them while she is working to make her fortune.

One of the major mistakes people make is that they think manners are only the expression of happy ideas. There’s a whole range of behavior that can be expressed in a mannerly way. That’s what civilization is all about — doing it in a mannerly and not an antagonistic way. One of the places we went wrong was the naturalistic, Rousseauean movement of the Sixties in which people said, ”Why can’t you just say what’s on your mind?” In civilization there have to be some restraints. If we followed every impulse, we’d be killing one another.

But sometimes one hears an Etiquette-Buster’s confession that rings true: “You make me feel guilty.” I’m not going to bother, this argument goes, so we need to lower the standard so I don’t look bad.