Vaughan is lurking in the dressing room gloom like some mad woman spying into her next door neighbours' garden. - Ben Dirs

Anyone seen Kaka's wife? Funnily enough, she's a complete sort. She's the sort of woman who, if she looked you in the eye in a bar and asked you where the fag machine was, you'd start giggling and snort.

Monty went beserk, like a toddler who's just been told he can't have a Happy Meal.

A well-deserved standing ovation from the Lord's faithful and what can you say about any Collingwood innings? Nuggety, earthy, gritty. All hail Ross Kemp - give that man his own cop show on ITV.