It's thirty days since the terrorist act. George Bush has told us to go back to our normal lives and to go back to what we used to do, so I've gone b… - Doug Stanhope

Don't learn from other people's mistakes. That's the worst advice you could ever get. Other people are fucking morons. Wrestling's the number one show on cable television. You're gonna learn from their mistakes? They're fuckin' tools! You might be the first guy who could to do it right and be a hero for all of us. Take a chance and learn to fly there, Orville Wright!

With all the horrible, horrible shit that your priest is pumping into your kid's head, his dick should be the least of your worries, honestly. That's just a little mouthwash and a few years of therapy'll get rid of that. That Jesus shit will torture you for a lifetime.

2013 Moore Oklahoma Tornado. "If you think that didn't take balls, you've never been to Oklahoma. Saying 'I'm an atheist' in Oklahoma is like screaming jihad at airport security. That took some nuts. If you watch the footage, all the other victims are on the news thanking Jesus for only killing their neighbors and not them, while a crawler is on the screen telling me where I can text money to help them out. Fuck them. I don’t want Jesus getting credit for my 50 dollars. I’ll help that other girl out, that CNN's exploiting. Hell yes! She ain’t got no Jeebus. She gonna need money. So I did. I started an indiegogo fundraiser account and atheists ended up ponying up over 126,000 dollars just for little old her...and I couldn't get the smile off of my face for a week. I didn't do it because I felt sympathy because she got all her shit destroyed by a tornado. I did it simply to be a prick to her okie Christian neighbors, hoping that they were still eatin off of FEMA trucks when someone drove up and presented Rebecca with a giant cardboard check. It's funny how hate can make you do real nice things every now and then."