If there's a hell, I think it's an encyclopedia, and you ca… - John Mulaney

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If there's a hell, I think it's an encyclopedia, and you can just look up what everyone in your life thought about you. And if there is a heaven, it's a wikipedia, and you can just change that.

John Mulaney

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About John Mulaney

John Edmund Mulaney (born 26 August 1982) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer.

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Alternative Names: John Edmund Mulaney

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J. D. Salinger Louis C.K. David Sedaris George Carlin Tina Fey

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A "hero" is any man who does his job. You a lot of times see headlines that are like, "hero tutor teaches after school", and you're like, yeah.

I like having a puppy that's a bulldog, 'cause it's like having a baby that is also a grandma.

College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.

If there's a hell, I think it's an encyclopedia, and you can just look up what everyone in your life thought about you. And if there is a heaven, it'… - John Mulaney

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