Relationship (definition): Liaison usually involving two people and their dirty dishes. - Richard Summerbell

Closet (definition): Basement suite of a heterosexual outhouse.

You are a mystery in an enigma in a big ball of fur,
An irresistible magnet to every child and flea and burr.
Your nose is high-resolution while I live in a near-scentless fog
You run at high speed, while I just have to slog (but it's a good ol' slog)
So I just want to thank you for being my dog....

All that is required of us, in our "new sexual ethic," is that we have sex in a way that favours us more than it favours our diseases.