Ambrose Bierce Quotes

"An Italian proverb says: "The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.

ALLEGORY, n. A metaphor in three volumes and a tiger.

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. One of the most practical exponents of the Malthusian idea was Herod of Judea, though all the famous soldiers have been of the same way of thinking.

Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"

"INFANCY, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies about us." The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward."

Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of an edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

MACHINATION, n. The method employed by one's opponents in baffling one's open and honorable efforts to do the right thing.

Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.

There's nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

We must subdue our detestable habit of shaking hands with prosperous rascals and fawning upon the merely rich.

MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.