Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

n. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.

Gravitación, s. Tendencia de todos los cuerpos a acercarse unos a otros con fuerza proporcional a la cantidad de materia que contienen; la cantidad de materia que contienen se determina por la tendencia a acercarse unos a otros. Bello y edificante ejemplo de cómo la ciencia, después de hacer de A la prueba de B, hace de B la prueba de A.

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

The sea was calm and the sky was blue;
Merrily, merrily sailed we two.
(High barometer maketh glad.)
On the tipsy ship, with a dreadful shout,
The tempest descended and we fell out.
(O the walking is nasty bad!)
Armit Huff Bettle

HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homocide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he fell by one kind or another — the classification is for advantage of the lawyers.

FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.

Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both — as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man.

optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.