Ambrose Bierce Quotes

n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

HAG, n. An elderly lady whom you do not happen to like; sometimes called, also, a hen, or cat.

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

For there be divers sorts of death—some wherein the body remaineth; and in some it vanisheth quite away with the spirit. This commonly occurreth only in solitude (such is God's will) and, none seeing the end, we say the man is lost, or gone on a long journey—which indeed he hath; but sometimes it hath happened in sight of many, as abundant testimony showeth. In one kind of death the spirit also dieth, and this it hath been known to do while yet the body was in vigor for many years. Sometimes, as is veritably attested, it dieth with the body, but after a season is raised up again in that place where the body did decay.

Aphorism, n. Predigested wisdom.

Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Dictionary, n. A malevolent literacy device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic.

CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.