I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not commit… - David Sedaris

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I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search the train station for a serial rapist and I cover my face with a newspaper, wondering if maybe I did it in my sleep. The last thing I stole was an eight-track tape, but to this day I'm unable to enter a store without feeling like a shoplifter. It's all the anxiety with none of the free stuff.

David Sedaris

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About David Sedaris

David Raymond Sedaris (born December 26, 1956) is an American humorist, comedian, author, and radio contributor.

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Alternative Names: David Raymond Sedaris

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J. D. Salinger Margaret Atwood John Irving Steve Martin Terry Pratchett

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Then again, even if I were informed, what's the likelihood of changing anyone's opinion, especially a couple of strangers? If my own little mind is nailed shut, why wouldn't theirs be?

People had their places, and to not understand that, to act in violation of it, demoted you from a nature nut to something even lower, a complete untouchable, basically.

The message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you're forced to pay, it's best to lower the bar and not be so choosy.

I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search the train station for a serial rapi… - David Sedaris

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