Anytime a fan touches you, you have the right to beat the hell out of him.

Which reminds me of a story that Stanley Holloway told me. He and Rex Harrison were out having dinner at a restaurant one night, when a chap approached them. ‘Oh, Mr Harrison! Forgive me, but I’m a huge fan . . .’ ‘Fuck off then,’ snapped Rex. Later, as they were leaving, the same chap was standing outside. ‘I’m sorry, Mr Harrison, I realize I shouldn’t have interrupted your meal so I’ve waited for you to finish.’ He proffered a piece of paper hoping for an autograph. ‘Fuck off!’ Rex snapped again. Without blinking, the chap thumped Rex in the face and sent him flying backwards. Stanley nearly wet himself with laughter. ‘That’s the first case of the fan hitting the shit I’ve ever witnessed,’ he chuckled.

They can boo and hoot me all they want. That doesn't matter to me. But when a fan calls insulting names from the grandstand and becomes abusive I don't intend to stand for it. This fellow today, whoever he was, called me a low-down bum and other names that got me mad, and when I went after him he ran. Furthermore, I didn't throw any dust in Hildebrand's face. It didn't go into his face, only on his sleeve. I don't know what they will do to me for this. Maybe I'll be fined or suspended for kicking on the decision, but I don't see why I should get any punishment at all. I would go into the stands again if I had to.

Punk: Wow, everybody, it's John Cena. He comes out here every Monday night, he's excitable, he throws his hat at somebody, everybody loves it. I am so impressed at how you do that. You get all these people to believe you're that friendly, smiling, everyday man, when I know the truth. And the truth, John Cena, is you're thoughtless, you're heartless, and above all else, you are dishonest. I'm sure there's millions of people worldwide, including yourself, that would love to believe this is over a spilled diet soda, but John, this goes way beyond my spilled diet soda. Yeah. John, you were fired from the WWE. You were gone. You gave a very tear-inducing speech in the middle of the ring about how you finally get to see your mom and hang out with your little brother, and you said you were gonna go away. You were gonna be a man of your way, but what happened? You came back later that night, and then you came back the next week, and then you came back the next week, showing all of these people who aren't intelligent to see through your facade what I have known all along—that your word is absolutely worthless. And then there's TLC, you have the man beaten. Wade Barrett, a very tough individual, and you have him beat in a chairs match, but that's not good enough for you. You don't take the high ground, you can't walk off into the sunset with your victory; you drag the man off to the side of the stage and you drop fifteen steel chairs on him, and I wanna know exactly why you think that's acceptable behavior. I wanna know why you think it's okay to show up the next night on Raw and humiliate the poor guy... Cena: That is balderdash! Fifteen steel chairs? That's insane. It was 23 steel chairs. And in case you forgot, Wade Barrett and the Nexus gave me about five thousand beat-downs, made me their personal slave, and ended my career. Punk: You wanna talk about ended careers, you hypocrite? This is exactly what I'm talking about. You ended the career of my good friend Dave Batista. John! John, look at me when I'm talking to you. This is a reoccurring pattern with you. Once again, you have the man beaten—last man standing, he verbally submits, how humiliating, the match is won. But, no, you AA him off a car through the very steel ramp that I'm sitting on, which facilitated the end of his career. Now we'll talk about Vickie Guerrero. I'm surprised the lovely Vickie Guerrero doesn't up and quit based on all the abuse you heap on her. It's not just the physical things to the Wade Barretts and the Dave Batistas, but it's the name-calling, it's the mental abuse to somebody as gorgeous and beautiful as Vickie Guerrero. Cena: "It's the this...it's the that." Okay, CM Punk is gonna play Mr. Fingerpointer. Well...1.—Dave Batista broke my neck; 2.—He showed up on Raw the next night and quit on his own terms. And C—I didn't just single out Vickie Guerrero. In case you haven't been watching for the past...eight years, I talk about everybody. Uh...Michael Cole. Michael Cole has an anonymous fetish with Justin Bieber and has the word "The Miz" man-scaped right below his belly button. Me! Look at me. I look like the crazy sex child of the Incredible Hulk and Grimace. And then there's you. Punk: Yeah, and then there's me, who happens to not be laughing. I don't know if you noticed that. You're not funny.

(Impersonating an angry fan) 'I heard that shit, man! That shit wasn't funny! Then I suppose at the end of your little sketch, Stevie crashed into a tree, right? Ha ha, very funny, motherfucker! Your mother got a wooden leg with a kick-stand, motherfucker! Your mother got a mouth in the back of her neck and the bitch chew like this!' (Nods his head up and down)

Conor got his ass beat.

Punk: This is completely ridiculous on multiple, multiple levels. I mean there's so many things going through my head right now. This doesn't belong to you [holds Slammy award and looks at Ric Flair]. You haven't even been here in the past calender year. And the fact that anybody even voted for John Cena to be Superstar of the Year is absolutely atrocious. This is possibly the worst year of John Cena's life. He got beat by a guy that I'm gonna decimate at the Royal Rumble, I beat him at Summerslam...he lost last night, he's the first superstar to cash in his Money in the Bank contract and lose, he's a loser like everybody in Philadelphia, and he's a loser like you [points to Flair].

He's kicking such major ass that it's insane!

Football, bloody hell!

This guy should never play football again. What is he doing on the football pitch? I've gone along with the idea for a long time that to stop Arsenal, you have to kick Arsenal. I knew that was coming for a long time now.

A player from Man City showed half of his ass for two seconds and it was a big nightmare. But this is a real nightmare.[Comparing Petr Cech's nasty injury with Joey Barton's bottom-baring antics.]

I was leaving the hotel to get to the fight when my phone went and someone said 'Hello Ricky, it's Tom'. I said 'Tom who?' and when he said 'Tom Jones' I told him to eff off! I thought it was a wind-up!

Kicking leaves you momentarily on one foot, and for that moment you are in a very weak position. If you were to be swept off your feet, you would be finished. This is why lifting your feet off the ground is crazy.

A brilliant reaction. I hate it when players just walk off. [Following Arjen Robben's sharp exit down the tunnel after being substituted against Aston Villa.]