People are wrong when they say that the opera isn't what it used to be. It is what it used to be — that's what's wrong with it! - Noël Coward

The stately homes of England we proudly represent,
We only keep them up for Americans to rent.
Tho' the pipes that supply the bathroom burst
And the lavat'ry makes you fear the worst
It was used by Charles the First (quite informally),
And later by George the Fourth on a journey north,
The state apartments keep their historical reknown,
It's wiser not to sleep there in case they tumble down;
But still if they ever catch on fire
Which with any luck they might,
We'll fight for the stately homes of England.

The natives grieve
When the white men leave
Their huts.
Because they're obviously,
Definitely
Nuts.

It's such a surprise
For Eastern eyes
To see,
That though the English are effete,
They're quite impervious to heat.