And the mind that has conceived a plan of living must never lose sight of the chaos against which that pattern was conceived. That goes for societies… - Ralph Ellison

But live you must, and you can either make passive love to your sickness or burn it out and go on to the next conflicting phase.

I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: That I am nobody but myself.

I recall the sudden arpeggios of laughter lilting across the tender, springtime grass — gay-welling, far-floating, fluent, spontaneous, a bell-like feminine fluting, then suppressed; as though snuffed swiftly and irrevocably beneath the quiet solemnity of the vespered air now vibrant with somber chapel bells.