If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. - Dave Barry

Inside the family room, Arthur Herk was methodically, relentlessly changing channels. He was doing this partly because the instinct to change channels is embedded deep in the male genetic code, and partly because he knew his wife and stepdaughter hated it. (Chapter 2)

:"You'd have to be nuts to vote for me!" he declared. "Hell, I didn't even vote for me!"

The main reason why Deeber's car ignition had never been wired to a bomb is that reporters have poor do-it-yourself skills. (Chapter 1)