Art is a hideously painful business, you know. Pity me! Or at least buy me a drink. - Kevin Barry

I've been haunting bookshops and hiding behind display signs of TV chefs (Nigella is excellent to hide behind as she has a huge arse) as I spy on the short fiction section and see if anyone's tempted by my sweet bait. I've also been counting how many copies of the book are left in shops, and I've been covering other “upcoming” authors’ books with mine.

I won't be happy until I'm up there, receiving the Nobel Prize.

I am hugely insecure and desperate to be loved and I want my reader to adore me, to a disturbing, stalkerish degree.