Unlimited Quote Collections
Organize your favorite quotes without limits. Create themed collections for every occasion with Premium.
breaking things off, convinced that our partner's psychological issues are making things impossible, or that we're not as compatible as we'd believed… - Oliver Burkeman
" "breaking things off, convinced that our partner's psychological issues are making things impossible, or that we're not as compatible as we'd believed. Either of these might conceivably be true in certain cases; people are sometimes guilty of spectacularly bad choices in love, and in other domains as well. But more often, the real problem is just that the other person is one other person. In other words, the cause of your difficulties isn't that your partner is especially flawed, or that the two of you are especially incompatible, but that you're finally noticing all the ways in which your partner is (inevitably) finite, and thus deeply disappointing by comparison with the world of your fantasy, where the limiting rules of reality don't apply. The point that Bergson made about the future — that it's more appealing than the present because you get to indulge in all your hopes for it, even if they contradict each other — is no less true of fantasy romantic partners, who can easily exhibit a range of characteristics that simply couldn't coexist in one person in the real world. It's common, for example, to enter a relationship unconsciously hoping that your partner will provide both an unlimited sense of stability and an unlimited sense of excitement — and then, when that's not what transpires, to assume that the problem is your partner and that these qualities might coexist in someone else, whom you should therefore set off to find. The reality is that the demands are contradictory. The qualities that make someone a dependable source of excitement are generally the opposite of those that make him or her a dependable source of stability. Seeking both in one real human isn't much less absurd than dreaming of a partner who's both six and five feet tall. And not only should you settle; ideally, you should settle in a way that makes it harder to back out, such as moving in together, or getting married, or having a child. The great irony of all our efforts to avoid facing fin
English
Collect this quote
About Oliver Burkeman
Oliver Burkeman (born 1975) is a British journalist (principally for the British newspaper The Guardian) and writer.
Related quotes. More quotes will automatically load as you scroll down, or you can use the load more buttons.
Additional quotes by Oliver Burkeman
All these counterproductive ways of thinking about failure manifest themselves most acutely in the phenomenon of perfectionism. This is one of those traits that many people seem secretly, or not so secretly, proud to possess, since it hardly seems like a character flaw – yet perfectionism, at bottom, is a fear-driven striving to avoid the experience of failure at all costs. At its extremes, it is an exhausting and permanently stressful way to live. (There is a greater correlation between perfectionism and suicide, research suggests, than between feelings of hopelessness and suicide.)
Alan Watts explained with characteristic vigor: Take education. What a hoax. As a child, you are sent to nursery school. In nursery school, they say you are getting ready to go on to kindergarten. And then first grade is coming up and second grade and third grade … In high school, they tell you you're getting ready for college. And in college you're getting ready to go out into the business world … [People are] like donkeys running after carrots that are hanging in front of their faces from sticks attached to their own collars. They are never here. They never get there. They are never alive.
Enhance Your Quote Experience
Enjoy ad-free browsing, unlimited collections, and advanced search features with Premium.
Loading...