If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making… - Mitch Hedberg

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If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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David Sedaris Steven Wright Jarod Kintz Dylan Moran Karl Pilkington

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg

On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".

I play sports... No I don't, what the fuck?

If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way. - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

Also Known As

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg