No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear...the advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselv… - Pema Chödrön

It is only when we begin to relax with ourselves that meditation becomes a transformative process. Only when we relate with ourselves without moralizing, without harshness, without deception, can we let go of harmful patterns. Without maitri (metta), renunciation of old habits becomes abusive. This is an important point.

Noticing how we try to avoid it is a way to get in touch with basic groundlessness. Refraining — not habitually acting out impulsively — has something to do with giving up entertainment mentality. Through refraining, we see that there’s something between the arising of the craving — or the aggression or the loneliness or whatever it might be — and whatever action we take as a result. There’s something there in us that we don’t want to experience, and we never do experience, because we’re so quick to act.

we can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.