Oh, wow! Wow! Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me. [...] That was a... greatest night in the history of television, okay. - Chris Rock

There's a lot of racism going on. Who's more racist, black people or white people? Black people! You know why? Because we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people. There's some shit going on with black people right now. It's like a civil war going on with black people. And there's two sides, there's black people and there's niggas. The niggas have got to go. Everytime a black person wanna have a good time, ignorant-ass niggas fuck it up. You can't have shit when you got niggas around, you can't have shit. You can't have no big screen TV! You can have it, but you better move it in at 3 in the morning. Paint it white, hope niggas think it's a bassinet. Can't have shit in your house! Why?! Because niggas will break into your house. Niggas will live next door to you break into your house, come over the next day and go, "I heard you got robbed." Nigga, you know you robbed me. You didn't see shit 'cause you was doing shit! You can't go see a movie opening day, you know why? 'Cause niggas is shooting at the screen! What kind of ignorant shit is that? "This movie's so good I gotta bust a cap in here!" You know the worst thing about niggas? Niggas always want credit for some shit they supposed to do. A nigga will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A nigga will say some shit like, "I take care of my kids." You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What kind of ignorant shit is that? "I ain't never been to jail!" What do you want, a cookie?! You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!

[In deep voice] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to WLOW, Low Radio. Now a lot of rappers out there would like to tell the girls to get low, but tonight we're gonna tell you to get lower. That's right! In the ground, under the ground! Get in the mud, bitch! Dig to China, hoe! I don't even know why the fuck you are standing! It's time for you to get lower! Now some of you bitches are still standing, and I don't understand that, 'cuz I want y'all to get low! I'm talking REAL low! I want you so low that you can change an ant's transmission! I want you so low that Aquaman says "Bitch, what the fuck are you doing under the ocean!?"

Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the old guy in the club. You know what I'm talking about. Every club you go into, there's always some old guy. He ain't really old, just a little too old to be in the club.