The professor was on acid, and sometimes he'd shout, "I'm Lincoln!" And then, there'd be a kid in the back, "I'm Booth!" - Robin Williams

Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was Dock Ellis. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like <tiptoes across the stage> "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

Nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here! Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.