I bet a guy at a bar 50 bucks that I was more dysfunctional than he was. He raped me. So I tipped him. I'm very competitive. - Christopher Titus

So Thomas Jefferson said "Every generation needs a new revolution". Now our grandparents had World War II, fought the Nazis. Our parents had the Civil Rights Revolution. Our generation has....Shamwow and Prozac. That's it, man. We just went through the worst decade since disco and how did we deal with it? We bitched on the Internet, got medical marijuana cards, and played Grand Theft Auto.

Then you women created a word: "Manscape." And we shaved ourselves bald like nine year-old boys. 'Cause we wanted to sleep with you.

I believe life is about balance. My mom was brilliant, yet manipulative. Beautiful, but had more voices in her head than the Wu-Tang Clan. Loves her kids, killed her last husband. I say "last husband" because you don't get another one after that.