When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was. - Mitch Hedberg

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".

I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said "Fuck it, cut em up!"

(From the enclosed booklet) Jamaican Air -- Every flight is the red-eye!