Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? Because the DNA's all the same and there's no dental records. - Jeff Foxworthy

[about a clerk, after recounting a story he read in which someone presented a store cashier with a million dollar bill and asked for change]

[On why criminals rob nice-looking houses] You come up on a house where the grass is this tall, and there's a dog chained to the clothesline, and a motor swinging in the tree, buddy, that's a house where a gun lives! And you want to find out what kind it is, just crawl through the window after dark.

If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.