I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles. - Jeff Foxworthy

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers . . . I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!