Men often slut-shame because they want to control female sexuality. And by female sexuality, I do mean male sexuality. Because often what they're rea… - Natalie Wynn

I really don't want to shame men for feeling anxious about dating trans women because I mean, I was anxious too in the other direction, but I do want to shame men for treating trans women like their dirty little secrets. And I do wanna shame men for dehumanizing us and voting away our rights by day, while jerking off to "shemale" porn by night. And I do wanna shame men for refusing to date us because they're not strong enough to shoulder one hundredth of the burden of stigma that every trans woman carries every moment of every day. I do wanna shame men for attacking their trans girlfriends because they couldn't stand being treated like a gay man for five minutes. That is pathetic! If you're so worried about proving you're a man, why don't you start by standing up for the women you love, you chickenshit cowards?

Where I can see an escape from my particular doom spiral is in style as an alternative ideal to beauty. You can be stylish at any age. You can be stylish whether you pass or not. Style is a way of cultivating a personal aesthetic that you have complete control over. It's like art in that originality is a virtue. Style is an individual aesthetic, unlike the collective aesthetic of beauty standards.

The idea of heterosexuality includes much more than just sex between a man and a woman. It actually encompasses a complex series of rituals that must be performed by people who are playing the correct roles. So if a man deviates from his assigned part in the approved bedroom activities, then according to this very fragile view of heterosexuality, he ceases to be straight.