Having seen the replay, I think Steve Bucknor was right. I like Bucknor, in fact, he might be my only friend. - Ben Dirs

Monty went beserk, like a toddler who's just been told he can't have a Happy Meal.

Embarrassing cricket tales. When I was about 14, my school team played against a school called Langdon, somewhere or other in the wilds of East London. They batted first and racked up 180-3 off 20 overs. We got 13. My PE teacher called it the most humiliating day of his life. Years later, he got done for sex offences. I wonder what he thinks now.

Hayden marches down the pitch towards Collymore, bat raised, as if he's just returned from the theatre to find him rifling through his wife.