Pat Buchanan likes to say we're in a culture war. The Civil War was a culture war, and brothers killed brothers. I wonder if they avoided dinner conv… - Ze Frank

Both hurting and happiness make me feel more alive, but as I get older it seems that hurting's the low hanging fruit. So I pick it.

A surprise party is where your friends and family lie to you to make you feel alone and unloved. Then, when they throw you the party they would have thrown, regardless, you experience a sudden rush of emotion as your depressed self returns back to normal. Some people think that life in general's like that. They keep waiting for the party. I call that: denial.

If you don't know what a cat is, it's sort of like a stuffed animal... but with a working asshole. I'll admit that when I went to the pound, I was actually shopping for a never ending box of shit, um, and the cat just came with it.