What does Sullivan do? He points at people. Rub meat on actors and dogs will do the same thing. - Fred Allen

All the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff in a flea's navel and still have room left to conceal eight caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.