Fred Allen Quotes

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

California's a wonderful place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

All the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff in a flea's navel and still have room left to conceal eight caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Sullivan will be successful as long as other people have talent.

What does Sullivan do? He points at people. Rub meat on actors and dogs will do the same thing.

A good comedian can say things funny and other guys just say funny things.

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 pm to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized