Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized

I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.