Most lottery winners (even those who win millions) find a way to go broke again. And when they do go broke, they don't know how to make that money ag… - Matthew Hussey

But there’s another way to look at it. Consider this: the pain doesn’t come from losing your soul mate, but from the disappointment that this guy wasn’t your soul mate. It’s sad, but it’s not catastrophic. And if you look at it this way — that in some regard, he failed to live up to your values and standards, so how could he have been your soul mate? — the pain is likely to be less severe. I don’t mean to minimize the amount it hurts. I’ve been there, believe me. But by grieving only for your disappointment and dashed expectations, you allow yourself to remain open to the next guy who comes along. It’s a much more manageable type of pain. We can now say more easily, “Although I’m hurt right now, this person wasn’t right for me. Now I can allow myself to find the right person.” This might sound like a small difference, but just allowing ourselves to take on this more correct understanding of what has happened can free us to move forward.

The difference is the tourist mindset. Tourists walk around inquisitively. They ask directions, they talk to locals when they meet them, they ask random people about the area, and often they get chatty when they go out because they want to meet people. Because of this everyone in the city seems friendly and responds to them by being warm and open. Tourists, unlike most locals, treat the city as a playground where they can meet anybody

I wince at the lack of compassion I showed myself, and at just how dangerous my determination and tolerance for pain can be when directed at the wrong target — in this case, martyrdom in a relationship where most of my core needs weren’t being met.