I've come up with the three things you never want to hear a… - Bill Engvall

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I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than 100 yards from the school."

Bill Engvall

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About Bill Engvall

William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian, and a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

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Birth Name: William Ray Engvall, Jr.

Alternative Names: William Ray "Bill" Engvall, Jr. • William Engvall, Jr. • William Ray Engvall • William Engvall

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Dave Barry Ron White Bill Bailey David Sedaris Raymond Chandler

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As told in the final section of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour Christmas CD:

Watching NASCAR with my wife is like taking a test. Every single turn, she has a question. Now, here's the problem: Sometimes her questions actually make sense, I don't have an answer for them. So, I have to do that guy thing and go Pfft! You ever hear your man do that, ladies? That means he doesn't know the answer, but he's thinking.

Bill and his brother-in-law had shot a deer and drove it in to get processed. At a rest stop, a woman stops at the truck

I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first… - Bill Engvall

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