[singing the song her therapist told her to improvise in order to "let her anxieties out"] If I keep the kitchen floor clean, no one will die! - Maria Bamford

I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.

Over seven thousand US veterans die of suicide every year, which is funny... [false laughter]... because you'd think they'd die over there, but they come home! Right? I thought that must be funny, because nobody was taking it that seriously.

I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.