Feeling depressed after a loss is one thing, but feeling depressed about nothing, about life in general, is another thing altogether.

The minds of the everlasting gods are not changed suddenly

The finish line at the end of a career is no different from the finish line at the end of a
match. The objective is to get within reach of that finish line, because then it gives off a magnetic force. When you’re close, you can feel that force pulling you, and you can use that force to get across. But just before you come within range, or just after, you feel another force, equally strong, pushing you away. It’s inexplicable, mystical, these twin forces, these contradictory energies, but they both exist. I know, because I’ve spent much of my life seeking the one, fighting the other, and sometimes I’ve been stuck, suspended, bounced like a tennis ball between the two.

No one ever asked me if I wanted to play tennis, let alone make it my life. My father decided long before I was born that I would be a professional tennis player.

Тенисът неслучайно използва изрази, които описват и житейски ситуации. Преимущество, подаване, грешка, нарушение, пробив, нула, основните елементи в тениса са основни елементи и в живота, защото всеки мач е всъщност животът, представен в миниатюра. Дори структурата на тенис срещата, начинът, по който отделните елементи се вместват един в друг като кукли матрьошки, прилича на подредбата на дните ни. Точките се превръщат в геймове, геймовете се превръщат в сетове, които се превръщат в турнири, а елементите са така обвързани един с друг, че всяка точка може да се окаже повратна.

"Ti alleni, viaggi e sgobbi per prepararti. Vinci per una settimana, quattro match di fila. (o due, settimane,sei match, se si tratta di uno slam). Poi perdi quell'ultimo incontro e il tuo nome non è sul trofeo, il tuo nome non è agli atti. Hai perso una sola volta, ma sei il perdente." da Open La mia storia

He's telling himself, I was so close. I was there. The finish line! He's living in the past, and I'm in the present. He's thinking. I'm feeling. Don't think, Andre. Hit harder.

He tells me that for the past few years my mind has been a swamp- stagnant, fetid, seeping in every direction. Now it's time for my mind to be a river- raging, channeled, and therefore pure. p280

People, I think, don't understand the pain of losing in a final. You practice and travel and grind to get ready. You win for one week, four matches in a row. (Or, at a slam, two weeks, six matches.) Then you lose that final match and your name isn't on the trophy, your name isn't in the record books. You lost only once, but you're a loser.

It's no accident, I think, that tennis uses the language of life. Advantage, service, fault, break, love, the basic elements of tennis are those of everyday existence, because every match is a life in miniature.

Me pregunto qué podría llegar a hacer en el tenis si tuviera acceso a esa rabia y fuera capaz de orientarla hacia el otro lado de la red. En cambio, lo que hago es dirigirla toda contra mí mismo.

I find peace in his claim that perfectionism is voluntary. Perfectionism is something I chose, and it’s ruining me, and I can choose something else. I must choose something else.

You can't ask my father anything directly. So I file it away with all the other things I don't know about my parents - permanently missing pieces in the jigsaw puzzle that is me.