Charlie Sheen Quotes

The scales of justice are in disarray[...]

You borrow my brain for 5 seconds, and just be like "Dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard", because it fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm.

Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed.

I didn't want to have my wife in the movie fucked by Robert Redford. Besides, to show, in the end, that the million dollars didn't mean anything to the guy by having him buy at an auction an elephant, or whatever the fuck it was, for a million bucks? I mean, the millionaire's already fucked your wife, man, keep the fucking cash!

I blinked and I cured my brain.

I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

It was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them just look like droopy-eyed armless children.

I don't have time for these clowns. I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity. They lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then look at me and they say 'I can't process it'. Well no, and you never will. Stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show.

I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain. (The Today Show)

I expose people to magic, I expose them to something they're never otherwise going to see in their boring normal lives.

I’m grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life. I’m not 'aw shucks' … because I'm gnarly. (The Howard Stern Show)

Can't is the cancer of happen.

I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is like a fishing term.

I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself." (Piers Morgan Tonight)

They're trying to destroy my family, so I take great umbrage with that. And defeat is not an option. They picked a fight with a warlock.