Charlie Sheen Quotes

I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain. (The Today Show)

I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.

They were like 'AA this' and I was like 'Bye bye that'

Dan Raad means Business...

You don't pay prostitutes to come to your house; you pay them to leave.

(on whether he is bipolar.) Wow, what does that mean? … What's the cure? Medicine? Make me like them? Not going to happen. I'm bi-WINNING! I win here and I win there. Now what?

I didn’t really believe I had "tiger blood" or "Adonis DNA." These were just jokes.

I wish people would shift that focus on to themselves and their own family and their own friends and just maybe spend a little more time on their home front. And not some distant planet that is me.

It was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them just look like droopy-eyed armless children.

Can't is the cancer of happen.

Most of the time—and this includes naps—I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air, and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

(on Ashton Kutcher) It's hard to give advice to a guy that accomplished. I would just give him a hug and just say, "Make me proud, dude."

I’m grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life. I’m not 'aw shucks' … because I'm gnarly. (The Howard Stern Show)

I'm so tired of pretending my life isn't perfect and bitching and just winning every second.

I don't have time for these clowns. I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity. They lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then look at me and they say 'I can't process it'. Well no, and you never will. Stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show.