Top 15 Jane Wagner Quotes

Interviewer: You once said you had a drug problem... Lily: Yeah, I still do. It's so hard to find good grass these days.

Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying — but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

The best mind-altering drug is truth.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

If the formula for water is H₂O, is the formula for an ice cube H₂O squared?

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

Remember we're all in this alone.

I swear people don't want sex so much as they want somebody who'll listen to 'em … the first thing you learn after fellatio is how to listen.

Your problem is your role models were models.

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.