Joey Comeau Quotes

Sometimes I think dent-resistant side panels are a waste of money, but then I remember ladies be always throwing themselves at my car, and titties can wreak havoc on a paint job.

We need a new Mario game where you rescue the princess in the first ten minutes, and for the rest of the game you try to push down that sick feeling in your stomach telling you she's "damaged goods," a concept detailed again and again in the profoundly sex-negative instruction booklet, and when Luigi makes a crack about her and Bowser, you break his nose and immediately regret it. Peach asks you, in the quiet of her mushroom castle bedroom, "Do you still love me?" and you pretend to be asleep. You press A button rhythmically, to control your breath, to keep even.

My dead family and I are in your debt, and I long to help you in any way I can.

The depression and suicidal fantasies of three years ago are nothing but a memory to me now.

Now I feel I am ready to face a world with sharp corners and all. I feel I am ready to come to work for Abrasion Enterprises.

Her face is bent out of shape, but still recognizable. There are too many teeth in her mouth, now. It is torn open at the sides. Split along her cheeks, so the weird jagged stones of her teeth can breathe.

Sometimes Margaret tells herself that there's a moral difference between killing kittens for no reason and what she does.

When the end comes, I hope it’s as strange as that. I hope that the sky tears open and the world is washed with colors that we’ve never seen before.

The world needs balance, and if I have to be unbalanced to supply it then so be it.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.

DEATH TO THE CARTOON HETEROSEXUAL PARADIGM.

I'm tired of the moral high ground. We've already got more than our share of Gandhis in "the movement". We need a General Patton. No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for HIS country.

My other pro-tolerance message is also condescending.

The family that prays together, still probably dies in the fire.

I never wanted anything to happen to my parents, but a hero needs an origin story.