John Waters Quotes

Wouldn't you rather your kid be a drug dealer than a drug addict?

You don’t need fashion designers when you are young. Have faith in your own bad taste. Buy the cheapest thing in your local thrift shop — the clothes that are freshly out of style with even the hippest people a few years older than you. Get on the fashion nerves of your peers, not your parents — that is the key to fashion leadership.

Everyone's sex life is funny except your own. Every person's is, and yours never is. The lengths people go to — and the extremes and the conditions and the mental exercises and guilt and shame and happiness that everybody goes through — and what they'll do for sex is never-ending and mind-boggling and very interesting to me. And I don't think a lot of times people choose any of it.

You have to remember that it is impossible to commit a crime while reading a book.

Keep up with what's causing chaos in your own field.

My hobby is extreme Catholic behavior — BEFORE the Reformation.

I would never want to live anywhere but Baltimore... It's as if every eccentric in the South decided to move north, ran out of gas in Baltimore, and decided to stay. No one moves here.

When they throw the water on the witch, she says, “Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness”. That line inspired my life. I sometimes say it to myself before I go to sleep, like a prayer.

Who would have ever thought a top college like RISD would invite a filth elder like myself to set an example to its students‽

Fantasies are like extra cash, they need to be banked for later use. I chuckle to myself, remembering Quentin Tarantino’s hilarious line onstage when I interviewes him in the Provincetown Film Festival. ‘What was the best thing about your success?’ I had asked, and he answered, ‘Pussy… no, the memory of pussy'.

Why is Mommy crying?” the young boy asks his dad, all sugared up and bewildered with concern. “Because you’re an asshole,” barks back the father with exasperated logic.

I’m so lucky to be having a happy childhood as an adult.

"I imagine Johnny Mathis hates Bin Laden as much as I do, but could Johnny agree Bin Laden had a better speechwriter than Bush? "Axis of Evil"? Come on. "A swimmer in the ocean does not fear the rain" is much more powerful propaganda. Poetic, even."

I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don’t send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out.

"The only insult I've ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, "Do you have a hobby?" A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?!"